Memories

Starting the new year off right seems to be at the top of everyone's resolution wish.  How long  most people stick to their resolutions is anyone's guess, but I'm guessing not long.  For many of us this is the time to renew broken promises we made to ourselves, begin afresh something we say we're going to do, lose weight, find another job, open a business, join a gym, take a vacation, etc.  The list is endless.  I wish you all success with whatever endeavor you seek and encourage you to do it whether it lasts or not.

I did not make any resolutions this year.  It begins for me with the decision to move on.  After suffering the loss of my mother in November 2013, I spent most of 2014 coming to terms with this loss.  Losing a parent is a significant loss and especially when it's your sole remaining parent   You walk around feeling like an orphan and somewhat insecure, because let's face it, no matter who old we are, we still need our parents.  I have decided that my mother would want me to go on and not only live my life, but enjoy my life.  In order to do that, I must let go of her and things in my past that keep me from moving forward.  Mostly, I feel like I would be leaving her, my dad and my brother behind.  I know that is not the case, but it felt like it.  I am a Christian so I believe with all my heart that my mother is in heaven with God and wouldn't come back if she could.  Who would leave heaven and the presence of God to return to this earth?

So my promise to myself is that I will take as many steps as I need to move ahead and go on with my new reality.  It's a different life.  When people are removed from our lives for whatever reason, death, divorce, moving away, our lives are not the same, at least not initially, if ever.  It's funny how things happen that forever change you, but people expect you to be the same.  I was already in a state of reassessing and reemerging before this happened.  My life has been in a state of unpredictability for years now and all the while on a learning curve.  I realized that I have to some degree, cut myself off from my own renewal not wanting to incur any more setbacks or pain. If I am to ever fulfill my life's purpose, I have to begin to experience life again on a more proactive level and be more focused on what needs to be done instead of crippled by pain, fear and dread.  I've always been a person who rolled with the punches and kept it moving until a few years ago.  Life knocked me down and for whatever reason,  I didn't really rally the way I should have.  We only have so much fight in us, so maybe I just surrendered to it because it was easier than fighting.  I know that aging and being tired (as only another single parent can understand) caught up to me.  So now I accept it all and release myself from it. It is no longer my burden to carry,

What does 2015 have in store for me.  I don't know, but I do know that as long as I hold fast to God and keep praying, I stand more than a chance of being okay.  As for my mother, father and brother, they will live on through me and in my memory for as long as I walk this earth.  I know that they all want the best for me and wish me the best.  If they could I know they would say, no more weeping, no more mourning.  We have left you with plenty of fond memories to keep your heart warm, NOW GO AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Untimely Death

Death is a part of life and it's finality is what pains us most when we lose someone we love.  Having recently lost my mother, I am still grappling with the pain and heartache of losing someone you love and accepting that you will never see them again in this life on this earth.  Being a Christian and a believer in Jesus Christ, I wholeheartedly believe I will see my mother again in the kingdom of Heaven.
No matter which form death comes for us, it will be a painful loss to face. That loss is all the more compounded when you lose a loved one to senseless and unnecessary violence.  The rash of killings that are victimizing our young people are particularly troubling and disturbing.  They not only have to contend with being victims of violence by their own, but also the police who have always been very cavalier about black life,  Throw into that mix the police wannabees and racist homeowners arming themselves and killing our young people "out of fear for their lives."  This isn't new, using the disguise of legality with statutes like "Stand Your Ground" laws, claims of self defense and fear, the disdain and contempt for black life have all converged to equal death for our youngsters.  Every person of color lives with the knowledge that in this world, we are not valued and our lives means little to many including some of our own.  God saw fit to place us here and continues to allow us to be here everyday, yet many believe that it is their birthright to end our existence as they see fit.  It is truly mind boggling after all these years of being emancipated that there are still many among us bred through the generations who continue to believe they are better and more deserving of life than others.  When you decide that another human being doesn't belong here and must die, in effect what you have determined is that God made a mistake and you will remedy that mistake.  I have said it before, and I will say it again and again. "People do what they do simply because they do not believe they will answer for their actions one day.  People do not believe they will be judged."

Resentment

Oh my where do I start with this one?  I will admit I had a moment where I was watching a couple of these shows because I had unrealistic expectations of uplifting entertainment. I am over adults, who behave like idiots and exhibit underlying resentment and jealousy towards others!!! There is always a storyline about some overgrown child masquerading as an adult, having a moment!!!
Why are some attacking people, verbally, physically and psychologically over the silliest of things.  If I were not a black woman and knew better I would think that all black women are loud, obnoxious, silly and immature. When you turn on the television and spend 3 minutes watching any reality show, that is the way we come across.  You have all these unattractive, overweight, classless, tacky sisters on TV  (Yes I said it)  yelling at the top of their lungs, attacking each other over the most mundane of things, "you said, I said."  Really?  Have we regressed collectively back to junior high school and all become the "Mean Girls" of the day?  The attention grabbing antics they all have become experts at is so pathetic!!! These women are shallow and seem to resent each other over everything.  Everyone is vying for the most attention and to be the star.   Based on news reports of the trouble some get into, most are living beyond their means.  A bunch of middle class income people are pretending to be mega rich and are going into debt, committing crimes, having affairs with married men, pimping themselves out to wealthy men and so much more to give an appearance of a luxurious life!!!  They welcome gold digger status and openly back stab each other to get what they want.  Watching some of them attack the weaker or less vocal among them to make themselves feel good is so wretched.   A recent reunion show of one of these shows illustrates how ugly it can get when the claws come out.  Anyone with half a brain could see that there was so much resentment and jealousy directed towards one of the cast in particular.  The real minder blower is that there are women out here who are actually taking advice from these clowns, supporting their endeavors to get rich and even more obnoxious, emulating them and admiring them.
The men on these shows are just as bad.  Most of them act more like little GIRLS, than men!!!! They get involved in these petty, catty and deceitful antics and I guess this makes them feel important.  Lord I miss the good old days when people with dignity and class would never be caught dead behaving like this in public.  The men on these shows are nothing  like the men I know.  The men I know would not put up with such nonsense and they would not behave like little girls on a field trip in high school.  I guess the love of money is the root of all evil because we have turned into a people that are willing to sell our credibility, dignity, values, peace of mind and souls to the highest bidder!!!!

Loss

Losing someone we love is so hard.  It really turns our world upside down.  I recently lost my mother and it is one of the most painful experiences I've had in my life. I am now a daughter without parents.  I lost my father over 24 years ago, so my mom was the only parent my sisters, brother and I had left.  I am heartbroken over the loss of my mother, but I am also at peace on a much deeper level because I know my mother has gone home to be with God.  As a practicing Christian and a believer in Christ, I do not mourn my mother's death as a loss of life in the traditional sense. I view it as a transformation of earthly life to heavenly life.  I mourn for me and my siblings and those who loved her because we no longer have her here in our lives.  I am relieved that her worries and hardships are over and that she suffers no more from sickness and the stress of living life on this earth where the wicked seem to rule.  My mother was a steadfast believer in the goodness of Christ and she shared her faith with her children (more so her daughters which is another topic for another day).

Sometimes looking at old photos are painful and sometimes they give me great joy.  What I have come to realize when looking at old pictures of my family is that so many of them are already gone.  I would like to say they have all transitioned to glory and are with God, but I'm not actually sure they all are.  Some of us accept the Lord and some of us don't.  It is a personal choice for each of us to make.  In my immediate family half are already gone.  I have lost my parents and a brother.  I thank God for each of them and cherish the memories. I still have two sisters and a brother so I am not alone, but we are dwindling in numbers.
This also makes you realize that you should cherish and appreciate those in your life who have your back and will be there for you.  I have been fortunate enough to have a few really solid people who are good friends in my life.  As for my extended family, there are those who you can turn to for help, those who would help but can't and those who won't help even if they could.  This is probably everyone's family.  I choose to love each of them regardless, but keep a safe distance from those who keep their hearts closed to people. I really can't handle any unnecessary drama and you know family can bring it at times.  I strive everyday to be better.  Sometimes I fall short but most days I make a little progress.  I want to be all I can be and enjoy my life as much as I can before it's my turn to be called home. I do not fear this process because I know that I will join my mother and many others in the presence of Jesus Christ and our heavenly father.  I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and live my life as a born again Christian so one day I can be in his presence.  It is a day that I will rejoice!! In the meantime while I am here I will continue to experience loss and I will continue to pray that God give me the strength to handle it.  I know that death is inevitable but until then I plan to keep living!!!!

Maturation

Maturation should be a continuous process in life.  When I am out and about, one of the things I do is people watch.  Living in the great city of New York, there are plenty of people to observe.  I enjoy meeting new people and learning new things.  It keeps us from becoming to rooted and stale in our behavior.  I am increasingly disappointed in the lack of maturity I see in people today.  We have become a society of instant gratification, lack of discipline, lack of consideration, have lost focus on what's really important and we celebrate stupidity.  What's worse is that those who know better are often reluctant to speak out so they don't.  If you don't agree with the masses, you could face serious repercussions, so I do understand the reluctance to speak out, but is that really an excuse?  Too many people in history have stood up to and faced hostility to defend what they know is right.

In this era of cell phones equipped with video recorders and social media we are really getting a first hand look at human behavior in the 21st century.  To often the picture is NOT PRETTY!!!!  We get to see out of control young people behave like 2 year old toddlers and want to fight about everything.  You know what I take that back, it's an insult to 2 year old toddlers!!! By the time you've reached your teenage years, the word, NO, should not be a strange unheard of word to you.  You should be familiar with it.  If you aren't then shame on your parents, because that's a pretty good indication, that they've always given you your way and whatever you wanted.  That's one way to set the groundwork for a really selfish adult who's totally self centered.

We have adults who want to still behave as if they're teenagers.  I don't know if there is anything sadder in this world than an adult who is obviously to old to behave like a 16 year old but does it anyway.  Trying to compete with young people is a clear sign you have yet to grow up.   If you have truly matured, then you understand that you don't need to compete with them and honestly you can't anyway.  You would know that if you were being honest with yourself.  Honesty isn't exactly at the top of the list of priorities for immature people.  They prefer to believe they're own bull.

Cell phones and social media are wonderful tools to reach and stay in touch with people.  Too many people use them as a means to personally attack, bother, harass, stalk and bully other people.  If you are on your cell phone having an intensely personal conversation without any regard to those around you, then you are one of the people I'm talking about.  Do us all a favor and either SHUT UP or find a more private space to retreat  to and have your conversation.  I really don't want to hear what you're talking about.  It's inconsiderate to the people around you and your personal information doesn't need to be discussed in front of strangers.
 As for the people who use social media as a tool to harass others, you just come off as pathetic angry bitter people.  If your life is a together as you would have us believe then, you shouldn't have time to be on social media attacking people. Mature people don't go on social media to settle their difference with others.

For the men who try to pick up women on social media, you're all LOSERS!!!!! Yes I said it.  For most women, it's a serious turn-off and a sign that you might be DERANGED!!!!  The world is full of people.  We're all surrounded everyday by people, so you should have no problem meeting people and talking directly to them.  It's how we sum each other up.  It is an invaluable tool when determining a person's character.  The fact that you stalk strange women on social media speaks volumes about you and it's not a good thing!  Grown mature men don't need Facebook to get women!!!!!!! Seasoned men have charm, intellect, sophistication and a decent conversation to interest the opposite sex.  They don't post, inbox, email, or text inappropriate pictures!!!! FYI if you send me an  inappropriate photo I will use it to embarrass you.  Everyone you know including, your mother, father, siblings, boss, pastor, children and anyone else I can think of will get a copy of that picture.  So think twice before sending one to me!!!!

If you're hired to do a job, then do it.  Don't sit there with an attitude because you don't really want to be there.  Go and be where you really want to be, doing what you really want to do.  In the meantime, if you take the job, then do the job.  Don't give me attitude.  I don't care if you're unhappy.  In life sometimes we do things that have nothing to do with our happiness to survive.  It's called GROWING UP!!! More people should try it.  It is only when you've reached a point of total honesty about who and what you are can you CONTINUE  the process to evolve into the person you were meant to be.  IMMATURITY INTERRUPTS this process.  Maturing is about constantly evolving into your higher self, the person God intended for you to be.  When you fail to grow up and insist on remaining in a permanent state of immaturity, you deny yourself the opportunity to be who you really should be.  You send a message to your children that it's okay to be stuck in a mental state of mediocre.  I don't care how successful you are in other things in life, you aren't even close to accomplishing anything until you grow into the self God made you to be!!!!!

Disappointments

When you are born, surely if you live long enough, you will experience disappointment in life.  Someone you work with, a friend, family member or other loved one will disappoint you.  Marriages, friendships,  relationships, circumstances, expectations, beliefs and careers are all things that sometimes breaks our hearts and brings us into the realm of disappointment and even disillusionment.  The true test of our character will be tested by these disappointments and separate the immature from the mature.  We learn some of our best lessons if we are willing to from states of disappointment.  How we decide to proceed once we have been disappointed by someone will delegate how quickly we recover from that disappointment.  I have experienced some epic disappointments in my life and each time, I was faced with the decision of how I was going to handle it.  In my youth, the responses I chose were not always the best way to respond.  Thankfully, I have grown tremendously since then and have learned to handle things in a much more mature manner.

Frustration, embarrassment, anger, shame, disbelief, resentment, fear and regret are all emotions you may experience when you are disappointed about something.  All are normal responses but not necessarily the right reaction to display when expressing yourself after being disappointed.  The most logical thing to do is take a deep breath, step back and retreat.  Most times it is best to just step away and clear your mind so you are able to think rationally.  It is hard to think rationally when you're in the throws of any of the above mentioned emotions.  If a solution is needed, to find the solution and there always is one, you must remain calm and be able to use your head.  Feeling disappointed can affect your judgment and your mood for some time if you focus on the situation.  It is easier to focus on the problem sometimes than to find a resolution.  I am about finding resolutions and not wallowing in the problem.  Just because you can't solve the issue immediately does not mean you need to continue to focus all your energy on the problem.  Once we have time to get past things and move on, we realize we have survived it and it's done.  When we look back on our lives, we often feel a sense of amazement that we let it take us off track in the first place   Sometimes we have to stumble a little to find our way.

Choices

This is a topic that I am very passionate about because it's how our lives take shape, through our choices.  Take care with the choices you make, for they shall follow you all your life.  This is the lesson every human being should get as soon as possible.  The younger you are when you realize this, the better prepared you can get yourself to deal with life and make the best possible choices you can make.  Many people live a lifetime and do not get the lesson.  We are creatures of habits and no matter how many times we see that something is just not working, we will make that same choice over and over again and wonder why we keep getting the same results!!!!
Over the course of my life, I have met some really interesting people.  The people that have dumbfounded me the most are the ones who do REALLY DUMB THINGS and wonder why their lives are a mess!!!! Some of us live our lives in a blind spot and think that we are clever.  Most people sleepwalk through life, keep their heads down and try to just make it the best they can everyday.  Well to that I say, WAKE UP!!!!  You can do more than sleepwalk through life, you can succeed and live a full life.  A life of vitality, hope aspirations and dreams.  This life will stem from the choices you make.  We tell ourselves, it's too late when we realize we have made bad choices that have resulted in a lot of wasted time doing the wrong things.  I say as long as you're alive and breathing, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!!!!  This is something you must believe  for yourself and own!!!
Your life of fulfillment begins with making a choice to have one, then taking action to create this life.  I have made so many mistakes in my life trying to find the path that will work for me.  I will continue to tread my way until such is the day that God calls me home.  Until then, the world is here for my exploration and I plan to explore it until I find the way for me.  One of the most important things you can do is choose to remove all negative and needy people from your life.  Make the decision that they are not necessary on your journey, wish them well and move on!!!!  They will drain and suck all the life out of you if you don't cut off their access to you.  It's hard sometimes because these people could be family and loved ones, but in the end what really matters is that you have the right to be at peace and pursue your dreams.  People who stay stuck in bad choices want company.  They want to spread and share the misery and infect those who aren't with their misery.
Get over all the dumb stuff you did in your youth.  IT'S OVER, MOVE ON!!!!  Get over all the stuff you should have done in your youth, but didn't and do what you can now.  Return to school, renew a passion, take a vacation, open a business, have children, get married, in other words whatever it is you think you missed out on that would be a goal for you today, go after it!!! You will discover along the way all the things you will truly need to know about yourself to succeed or not.  At least you can change direction and do what will work for you.  Let go of all your regrets, sorrow, pain and hurt from the past choices you made.  Leave revenge, envy, jealousy, resentment and guilt in the past along with your mistakes and bad choices.  CHOOSE TO MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT THEM!!!!!!!!